Monday, April 23, 2012

An open letter to Hampton

Dear Hampton,

I know you've been having a grand old time hanging out with me. I mean, who wouldn't? I'm super fun. I go dancing (which doesn't seem to bother you one bit). I ride my bike (also not a bother). I swim (only occasionally are you bothered). In general, I'm a pleasant leg host for you. However, as with many guests who overstay their welcomes it's time for you to pack it up and find some other poor soul to free load off of. 

Yes our "trial" run on Saturday was not completely miserable but it did leave me feeling sore and confused. I mean you come on so strong and then you leave again. I need you to leave for good. I've got shit to do. Shit which requires your complete absence. 

I am hopeful that the times we've been with our "therapist" you have learned that I need my leg without your presence. I need it to run freely and joyfully like I did before you showed up. 

While I totally admit that your being here has made me much stronger on the bike and during swim but you have come in between me and my first true love, running. 

Since I have a race this weekend that I'm really looking forward to, I ask that you get out your Samsonite, fill it with your achey, throbby, weirdness and vamoose. Am-scray. Hit the road. Make like a tree  and - well you get the picture. 

I'd hate to sick Lloyd on you cause that would just hurt us both.

Sincerely,

B.o.B.

16 comments:

TNTcoach Ken said...

Get tough with that free-loader!

Jess said...

If Lloyd needs back up my cats will be there. I need my buddy to go back to her usual overachieving self! Say bye-bye Hampton!!

Heather said...

Hopefully the bastard gets the message!

Evolving Through Running said...

Are you hitting that leg with any type of compression? I got a neoprene sleeve when I pulled my hamstring a couple years back, and it really seemed to help, although it was a sweaty mess. Hope it gets the message and moves along.

Beth said...

Seriously, dude. Learn to pick up a signal. She's not interested anymore, GO AWAY!

Spike said...

From the male perspective, I'd say you are sending mixed signals. And it seems the lady posters are also missing this.

I’m kidding. Get a PPO for that jerk.

BabyWilt said...

Yip, if it ain't paying rent its gotta go :-)

Alfred E. Neuman said...

Ask for a commitment! That will get rid of him!

fancy nancy said...

Hit the road Hampton!

Mamarunsbarefoot said...

So unwelcome, you think he'd get the hint!

CautiouslyAudacious said...

I think this letter should do the trick, heck I'd leave if I got this letter!! :-)

Allison said...

Did you ever consider that maybe Dolly is paying Hampton to hang around? She has a motive...

Jordan said...

Samsonite! I was WAY off! haha

If life were like a mob movie, you could just take a hit out on Hampton! Just tell him that he'll be sleepin with the fishes..or something similar, but I think you have to do it with a Jersey accent or it doesn't count.

Jordan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

2 words: hot yoga. Namaste Hampton !

Navy Steve said...

Don't be distracted by Hampton. You will be warmed up coming off the bike, and work into the run slowly and then run like the wind. Hampton will not know what hit him!!